A Drunken Adventure
by rosydaydreams
Summary: Jack, Rose and the Doctor travel to the most beautiful planet in the universe and get drunk. Jack and Rose are taken by a mysterious monster, and the Doctor tries to get them back. Jack/Rose. Ten/Rose
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is with Ten, Rose, and Jack. Set in some AU where doomsday never happened. Fluffy story. Really, really random. Hope you like it!**

The sky was bright green and the three setting suns made the iridescent grass shimmer yellow and red. A city could be seen on the horizon, shining blue even at this distance. There were bird-like creatures in the sky, singing melodies that rung out over the planes like a million crystal glasses being tapped in unison. And the smell, oh the smell was past description. Sweet and sour at the same time, refreshing and soothing and nurturing, everywhere at once but leaving the air light.

Three people stepped out of a 50's police box. In the lead was a tall and very good looking man with messy hair and a pinstriped suit. Following was a similarly attractive man with a coat that wouldn't have looked out of place in the London blitz, and taking up the rear was a blonde woman with thick eyeliner. The latter two stood there, awestruck, while the first walked unfazed into the meadow with a huge grin on his face.

"Menel Cemenyë. Widely regarded as the most beautiful planet in the universe. The cities here are built of Menche, a blue gem unique to this planet. Its everywhere here! Literally everywhere!" The Doctor stooped down and dug around in the soil a few moments and pulled out a shimmering blue rock, "See, Menche! The grass here actually absorbs it and uses it as food, that's why its so shiny. An entire ecosystem built on a gem! Brilliant!"

"Can we go to the city?" asked Rose, finding her tongue.

"'Course! Allons-y!"

The city was even more impressive up close. The buildings were low but wide, spaced far apart with grass in between. The Doctor explained that the inhabitants lived together in huge families in the houses, and that this enabled even the biggest cities to look like suburbs. He chattered away about the history and so shocked everyone when the building he dragged them in was not a museum or town hall, but a pub.

"Doctor, why are we in a pub?" Rose asked immediately.

"Most beautiful planet in the universe also makes some of the best liquor," He answered, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"So you brought us here to get drunk?" Jack chimed in.

"Wellllll... If you want to think about it that way... Yes."

They approached the bartender and the Doctor ordered drinks. The Doctor downed his dark purple cocktail immediately, and watched as Rose tried hers. She took a mouthful... and spat it out.

"That burns like a #%!$!"

Jack and the Doctor just grinned, both familiar with Cemenyan drinks. Rose tried again, a smaller sip this time and moaned, making both the gents very uncomfortable.

"God that's good! Doesn't burn half as much the second time 'round."

"Careful though, its strong," warned Jack as she continued to drink it, though she payed no heed to his comments.

"I want a banana daiquiri! Do they make banana daiquiris here?" wondered the Doctor randomly.

Once they were all settled in with some drinks around a small table, they drank in silence. Even the inside of this pub looked unearthly, and it seemed almost rude to speak. However, this was not the situation about an hour and twenty drinks later. The Doctor and Jack were singing a very off-key version of "Piano Man" and Rose was slurring along.

"WELL WE'RE ALL IN THE MOOD FOR A MELODY, AND YOU'VE GOT US FEELING ALRIGHT!"

A couple of Cemenyans cast them grateful glances as they finally shut up.

"Doctor, I left my jacket in the TARDIS. I'm going to get it" Rose declared. She had suddenly decided that it was cold and she needed her pink denim jacket. She got up to leave and promptly fell over, making the Doctor sigh exasperatedly. As the soberest of the three, he decided it was his duty to get it and rushed out the door, leaving Rose with a very drunk (and flirty) Jack Harkness.

"Have I ever told you that that necklace really suits you?" Jack said, evoking a giggle from Rose.

"You know, you should wear..." he squinted at the necklace as he attempted to bring it into focus"...Messalanian pearls more often."

"Jack, stop!" Rose said with another giggle.

"Why should I? I'd like to see you try to stop me," teased Jack as he slid closer to her. Rose's giggling faded out a little as she realized he wasn't actually teasing. He never did this, not anymore, not to her. Not even when he was drunk. The look in his eyes told her he didn't intend to stop at flirting, and it was making her nervous. She should move. She should tell him that he shouldn't do that, because... because why? She wondered. Her excuse had always been the Doctor, but now she wasn't so sure. She should stop chasing him. He had never cast a second glance at her, and she needed to stop pining after him. A friend he'd always be, but she needed a man. She needed... Her intoxicated mind struggled to make sense of the situation she couldn't figure out even while sober. She needed... Jack. And so she took him.

Rose leaned in and kissed Jack hard on the mouth. He was still for a few seconds, shocked that his attempts had actually worked but soon was eagerly kissing back. Their tongues slid into each others mouths, neither of them withholding anything. They were too drunk to care about how they appeared to the other people, and too drunk for delicacy. Rose took one of Jack's hands and placed it on her breast. His other hand soon followed and he squeezed eagerly. She ran her hand up his thigh and kept it there, wishing they had thought to book a room at the inn so they could go there now, but she had to be content with kissing. Once they broke for air they shared a questioning glance, eager to continue but nervous at the same time, but both gave in. Jack nuzzled the crook of Rose's neck, biting slightly and even licking, making her moan in pleasure. He broke of and kissed her again, even more eagerly than before. She kissed back with equal force, nibbling at his bottom lip and licking all around, and all in all locking in to him. Their mouths fit perfectly and they kissed for what seemed like forever, only stopping for air. They were still locking tongues when they both got the distinct feeling of being watched. They looked up together just in time to see a very broken looking Time Lord turn and walk away.

**A/N: I will update soon! I won't be one of those $$wipes that say they won't update until a certain number of reviews, but reviews really do speed up writing! :D :P**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to sunfuzzies, Secretkeep and TimeSpaceAnomaly for reviewing! Really helped me update faster!**

**Secretkeep, the first chapter was pretty jack/rose but i promise there is 10/rose coming**

**Sunfuzzies, I know Jack, 10 and Rose where never together in the show, but this is assuming Doomsday never happened and Rose was with the Doctor instead of Martha when they ran into Jack.**

**TimeSpaceAnomaly, you didn't really ask a question but i'd feel bad not replying to you as well so...uh... would you like a jelly baby?**

**and most people add disclaimers so here it is:**

**Disclaimer: sarcasm Yes, its DEFINITELY me that owns DW and not BBC /sarcasm**

The Doctor walked out, completely bewildered. What had he just seen? Jack wouldn't do that to him! Rose wouldn't... But there they'd been, snogging for dear life. How had that happened? This wasn't even the drunkest they've ever been! That club on Grephan had been way worse, and Jack and Rose didn't even come near each other. How could this have happened? He though Rose knew how he felt, knew that he loved her and that he really did want her... But apparently not? Then again, was he really that surprised? 900 year old alien, of course she didn't love him back! Especially not when Jack was around...

The Doctor sprinted back to the TARDIS and locked himself in. He sat in a corner, and tried to think it through? What had brought this on? Why were they doing this to him? Didn't Rose know how he felt? Of course not, he thought angrily at himself! He was a bloody moron, doing nothing and hoping for everything. She couldn't read minds! Why did it take having her snog Jack for him to realize it?! And Jack! Now rage coursed through him! Jack knew how he felt! He had talked about it with him! The Doctor started throwing things around, earning himself an angry hum from the TARDIS.

"WHAT DO I DO?" He screamed at her, but received only a neutral "You figure it out" hum in reply.

Dejected, he sat back down in his corner, and wondered vaguely why there was still a banging noise after he stopped throwing things. He realized with a start that someone was hammering on the door, and jumped up to get it, but... he sat down. He didn't want to see any of them right now. He wouldn't leave them, of course, he could never do that, but he couldn't bear to face either of them. Besides, Jack had money, he could get a room and finish whatever he had been doing with Rose. The Doctor's thoughts grew bitterer and bitterer as he sat there and sulked, and eventually the banging went away.

* * *

Rose and Jack walked guiltily away from the TARDIS. Well, Jack was walking guiltily. Rose was just very, very confused. He had never shown an interest in her before, so why was he freaking out now? It was unfair. He would never let her be with him, but if she so much as looked at anyone else he freaked out. Then again, she realized, guilt now hitting her too, she was doing a whole lot more than looking at someone when he walked in. Her and Jack walked back to the town and into an inn, all the heat of before gone. They ordered a room, and were uncomfortable discovering the single king-size bed inside. They awkwardly lay down on opposite sides, leaving miles of space in between them and tried to sleep. They were so busy trying to ignore each other that they didn't notice the door creak open as a shadow slipped inside. They didn't notice as something snuck over to their bed. No one noticed anything, but moments later two blood curdling screams filled the air, filling the night with a chill that had nothing to do with the weather.

* * *

An hour later, the Doctor had calmed down and decided to go out and find them. He had sulked long enough and decided to go and try to talk it out. He walked slowly to town, trying to put off the uncomfortable confrontation for as long as possible. He correctly guessed what inn they chose, and was very relieved when they were not in there room. He was about to leave when he noticed something. A stain. More specifically, a huge bloodstain that ran all the way down one of the sheets. This sprung the Doctor into action. He ran from the room and ran outside. He had to find them, had to stop whatever was happening to them before it was too late. Maybe it was too late. Maybe they were already... No. He stopped himself. Jack couldn't die, and Rose... He stopped himself there again. There was no point in dwelling on such worries, that was a waste of valuable searching time.

He wandered around meaninglessly for a while, hoping to find some trace of his companions' kidnapper. Before long, he stumbled into an area where the air seemed to tingle and left a metallic taste in his mouth. There was a whole trail of the stuff, which he followed with unusual caution. Whatever had left this was powerful- at a guess he would say something made of pure energy, an anomally of electromagnetic forces.

The trail lead him to a building. Its azure walls were dulled and chipped by the elements, and it carried what most people would call an ominous chill. The Doctor called it residual energy from whatever had his friends. The building was wide and sprawling, a typical dwelling here. Unfortunately, this meant that it was practically a maze inside. The Doctor pushed the door, and it sslid open silently, which was somehow more ominous than the creak he expected. He walked down the hallway the door exposed. There were a ancient photos on the wall, the age apparent in every faded pixel. As he crept down this corridor, he noticed the energy stench pulsate, which could only mean one thing - the monster was busy, and he assumed it wasn't doing anything pleasant. Like baking banana bread. He liked banana bread. Bananas in general were nice. Great source of potass- FOCUS! His friends were being tortured and he was thinking about bananas? Rassilon, that wasn't good.

He turned right towards the center of the house. He entered another azure room that looked like an abandoned sitting room. This room had been refurnished recently, and not for good purposes. The armchair had what looked like a blade down the center, so that anyone thrown on it would be sliced. Not quite enough to kill them, the blade wasn't that long, but definitely to injure them severely. It had been in use quite recently, if the crust of blood was anything to judge buy, but it was not Rose or Jack being sliced since the blood was dark green. At least that was a relief. The sofa had also been doctored to be a torture device - it was covered in metal squares that the Doctor recognized as electrodes. There was a sickly piece of charred flesh stuck to one of them, but again it was not human because the flesh was distinctly blue. (or had been)

He wandered down a series of hallways and room, following the trail of pain and destruction that the mystery monster had left in its wake. Cages, iron maidens, torture racks - this place had them all. And this was not the lair of a madman. The torture devices here were arranged strategically, and were not made to kill. No, this was tactical. This was a place to interrogate people, or hold hostages. As he neared what he presumed was the epicenter of this maze, the decor changed. The occasional lanterns turned to florescent lights, the dull blue walls to stark white tiles. It looked more and more like an ultra-modern prison, but for one thing. It was abandoned. The Doctor knew his friends were in danger, but he could not resist peeking into each cell, hoping more and more desperately to find someone, but in vain. Abandoned. There were traces of people everywhere, both staff and prisoners, but no living things. This place had been vacated, and recently. The coffee in the cups he found was still warm, and so was some goopy silver blood he found on the walls.

The Doctor wandered for what seemed like hours. Even his Time Lord senses had lost track of how long he'd been here, but he knew that any coffee (or blood) he found now was was at a point where it felt like he was never going to get anywhere. Panicking, he ran through the halls and only panicked more when he saw some familiarly red blood before comprehending what it actually meant. He was getting close. He followed the blood trail that only got thicker to a pair of iron doors he had somehow missed previously. He burst through those doors and stood still for a few seconds, in shock. The Doctor then proceeded to do something he had not done for at least 700 years. He fainted.

**A/N: Cliff-hanger ending eh? Well, hope you keep reading, I'll update soon! If you have any ideas for the story just post them in a review or PM me. I have a plan for the story already but i'm very open to your ideas! And if you review for any reason i'll love you forever.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: big thank you to all the reviewers, it really does make me write faster. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to update during the week with school and all, but I'll try my best! Now here's the chapter...**

The Doctor got up from the floor, dazed and very embarrassed, and prepared to face what was in this room. His worst fears. Four of his very worst fears lined up in front of him. In the center of the back wall of the room was a giant hole, opening a window to a mess of purple-red wobbly stuff. The time vortex. The room was the home of a gash in reality itself. The worst thing was that the gash wasn't the worst thing in the room. Three other horrors awaited him, all of them giving him the urge to jump into the exposed vortex. A shadow flitted around the room. Consciousness, pure consciousness, Time Lord consciousness. Impossible, but not with the gash.

"Rassilon..." The Doctor whispered. The Doctor was screwed and he knew it. He hoped that the Time Lords would never find the hole, or at least that they wouldn't find it so soon. Then again, it could have been millennia for them. Millions of years even, before they realized that the Untempered Schism still offered them entrance to the time vortex. Not with TARDISes or capsules, the time lock made sure of that, but what's to stop a Time Lord jumping in? Apparently, they had figured that out, though it seemed that the trip through the vortex had done the opposite to Rassilon that it had to Dalek Caan. Rassilon had been stripped of his body rather than his mind. His mind, however, would not be enough to open the time lock and he needed another Time Lord to do it for him. That, the Doctor realized was what the third horror was for. Jack and Rose, chained to another torture machine, ready to kill them in a thousand different ways, but slowly, slowly. Slowly enough for the Doctor to open the Time Lock before they died, to serve Rassilons evil purposes. Ironically, the fourth horror was one the one he was most glad to see, despite it being by far the scariest. Chained by her foot to the wall, looking very scared and very, very angry, was Jackie Tyler.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW, ALIEN BOY, OR I WILL CASTRATE YOU WITH A RUSTY BUTTER KNIFE!"

Despite himself, the Doctor cringed at the threat and unconsciously took a step back.

"DON'T YOU GO ANYWHERE DOCTOR!" Jackie screamed at him, and added in a calmer voice, "I don't know how I got here but seeing as my daughters lying unconscious and I'm chained up i really do need you to set me free."

"You... You're not blaming me for this?" asked the Doctor, touched and slightly confused at the hint of sincerity in Jackie's voice. The moment was killed by her reply.

"Of course I ain't blamin' ya! You came in here and fainted! Fainted! Like a little girl! Big, tough, 900 year old Time Lord and ya faint? Blimey, even I was tougher than that..."

"But it is my fault! This is all my fault! You were all taken here to be used against, though quite frankly I don't know why you're here-"

"Oi!"

"Sorry. Look Jackie, I'll unchain you..." He stepped forward to do just that but a shadow flitted in front of him

**_Not so_ fast...**It hissed inside their heads. The torture machine ground into action and Rose and Jack were dragged into consciousness. There was blood flowing before the Doctor managed to shout back.

"I'll do anything! Just stop! I'll do anything!"

The machines ground to a stop agonizingly slowly. Jackie sent him a curious but grateful look at his reaction, but stayed silent for once. Rassilon commanded the Doctor to unlock the Time Lock, and directed him to the stack of components in the pile nearby.

"Do I really have to build this from scratch? I could undo this with the click of a button on my TARDIS!" whined the Doctor, already slipping into his normal childish facade.

_**I will not risk you running away! There are many buttons on your TARDIS that could wreck havoc on me! Build here, and build now, Theta!**_

"Theta? What kind of a name is that?" Jackie chimed in, but was ignored by both the Time Lords as they tried to battle their ways into each other's minds. The Doctor appeared to lose as he ended up bowing his head then kneeling down and starting to build.

He spent a long time hooking up circuits and sonic-ing bits of wire. The resulting mess was attached to the gash in reality and powered up.

_** Good Theta, now remove the lock entirely!**_

"Not so fast, Rassilon! You see, I've accessed the area. Detected what was locked in. What should **still ** be locked in. I could sonic this bit and let you all out..."

_**No! Don't! NO!**_

"... Or I could sonic here, here and right on this blue wire, reversing the polarity of the neutron flow and sucking everything meant to be in there back in!"

There was a rippling in the space surrounding the gash, and the shadow began to be drawn in. It flitted around the room, pulling and tugging at the ethereal forces pulling it in, screaming profanities in gallifreyan. The Doctor occasionally cringed or muttered something along the lines of "there's no need for that kind of language", but was ultimately unperturbed at wild flailing. The shadow panicked, strugling more and more desperately and more and more hot-headedly until it happened upon a plan. If he could not escape the lock, he could at least punish his captor. He dashed at the torture device and had it active before the Doctor could even take a step in his direction. Rassilon shouted goodbye in gallifreyan and let himself fall back into the lock, preferring tthe relative comfort of his people to freedom with an angry Doctor.

By the time the gash closed the Doctor was at the torture device, trying helpleessly to stop it. At an angry cry from Jackie, he sonic-ed a bit and released her, and they both tried to deactivate the thing. Unfortunately, everything was deadlocked.

"Jackie, it's all deadlocked. I can't do anything. I..."

He stopped and stared at Rose and Jack, who were almost covered in their own blood and dying before his eyes. His beautiful, beloved Rose, bleeding to death. His almost-brother Jack, doomed to an eternity of dying repeatedly from blood loss. The Doctor could do nothing but stare until a rough hand shoved him to the side.

"Doctor, I love my daughter and I know you love her too. So I'm not gonna just stand here and let her die."

And with that Jackie swund the sledgehammer she had pulled from the toolbox and smashed it down on the machine. It had been a clever thing, very Doctor-proof, but Rassilon had counted on the Doctor not trying something as simple as smashing it.

The Doctor gave a cry of relief as Jack and Rose tumbled to the ground. They were both breathing, but scarred and unconscious. Alive. They were both alive! The Doctor jumped to his feet and in his ecstasy went over and kissed Jackie full on the mouth. After recovering from the inevitable slap, he simply stated,

" I still don't know why he brought you here but I am so glad he did."

They shared a comfortable silence as they carried Jack and Rose back to the TARDIS.

**A/N: well, that was this chapter. I apologize so much for any typos but a lot of this was written on my phone and I wanted to get it up as fast as possible:P id also like to ask you guys very nicely to review. It wont take you long but it will mean THE WORLD to me. Thanks to all oofyou who hhavereviewed, and now I promise that this is the last time im begging for reviews.**

**The next chapter will probably be the last, though I might add more. Who knows what might happen? :P**


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